Journey in the desert!

by Valarielovelight

There are journeys that take us to places within ourselves for growth and revelation of who we are. These journeys do not instantly change us, it’s a process that takes time and patience. My journey through the desert exposed my shortcomings and areas of dryness.

I wish I could say that I came out a better person, but I can’t. What I can say is that I was broken and fragile. I couldn’t see because of the dust storms that encircled and even covered me at times. I felt as if I would suffocate, become buried alive and no-one would ever know what happened. On the outside I looked just fine, but on the inside I was struggling to find my way and a way out.

I was fearful because I lacked provision and direction. I wandered around lost for months. Fear gripped me and I felt as though I would sink at times. The sun constantly beat upon my head reminding me that I had been exposed to the elements and vulnerable to the creatures hidden in the desert.

I was alone because it was a journey of purpose and the purpose was to break everything I had built up including myself. The more I built up the lower I sunk. The barriers I surrounded myself with was slowly becoming my grave. How many more graves exist in the desert I wondered? As I just sat looking up admiring the sky and stars. This kept me sane.

Now, don’t get me wrong…I knew I couldn’t stay in that place or in the same condition. Something had to change…I had to change…my perception had to change and the desert was changing me.

I was becoming dry and lifeless.

No! I realize that I was already those things on the inside. My surroundings was a mirror reflecting what was on the inside of me.

Who am I? What is my purpose?

Hmm, that’s why I’m here in this desert place.

I had to be broken. All those false images I had of myself, other peoples perceptions over the years framed my existence and I never noticed. Maybe because I thought they were true. They weren’t necessarily bad things, but were they really me! Maybe some things, but not everything.

In the desert, I didn’t find myself. My feet kept sinking in the sand for over a year and a half.

I had to start breaking down my sandy walls and pack it under my feet until one day I was above my barriers. I had been gracefully broken by the love of God in my wilderness called the desert.

But I was still dry. All I could pour into others were rocks, sand and pebbles. I’m sure there was something of value that came out occasionally.

But at least I finally realized it! The journey continues next time Texas…

Hugs and Love from me to you! Valarie

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